Recalibrating.

How do you make a decision?


Or is it that decisions make us?


Is there a subtle compass point within us pointing in a particular direction? Guiding our steps? 


In that same way that roots know to go “down”…?


Every decision has consequences. Some more impactful than others.

“Risk itself is a process of constant unfolding. And taking risks is the process of peeling back the layers of what you are and who you want to be.” – Phoebe Eng


What if you were offered an opportunity, that would support a long-time dream/hope for your life, which would call for a great leap of faith (and a lot of hard work), but would require you to leave all that has been familiar?

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith, and hope.” – Thomas Merton


I have lived through enough changes in my life to know that not all decisions I’ve walked towards have felt like “good” ones. That some have felt like flat out “mistakes”.

Enough to know that sometimes, things working out the way you hoped isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.

“When God wants to punish you, as Isak Dinesen declared, He answers your prayers.” – Barbara Kingsolver (from Animal Dreams)


Or, reframed euphemistically:

I’ve had quite the many learning experiences.

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” – Pena Chodron (from When Things Fall Apart)


I could stretch this further, and even say that reflecting on the past number of years, I can see how it all seems to be a set up for this very moment. 

“The real voyage of discover consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” – Marcel Proust


It’s tricky, this weighing of pros and cons…

this heart gets so attached to certain beings.


It’s an unfamiliar practice to simply rest in an uncertainty, and not try to force an answer. To step by step, keep responding as things unfold. Neither avoiding, nor pushing.


I’ve never been much of a planner. And I suppose I’m still not. But I’m noticing it’s like there are two forks in a road, and I’m treading tentatively down both. It’s like having two “plan b’s”.


I’ll follow up when the next step becomes clear.

Till then, wishing you all a many-moments-of-joy-filled-and-long-steady-Spring.


PS – I’ve never chosen a word for the year, though I’ve read a number of blog posts which speak to such a thing. The word “recalibrating” will be one for me this year to roll around in my mouth-mind like an apricot pit.

About Marneymae

small organic farmers are my heroes. has a deep appreciation for clean, running water. keeps a digging fork in the trunk of my car to move dead animals off the road. View all posts by Marneymae

7 responses to “Recalibrating.

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