I know it’s been a while.
Last time I posted was in Autumn.
And I happened to be in a ‘Verizon zone’ and was able to post from my phone.
An Autumnal moment in the cathedral. I admit to rarely taking the time to walk around the farm to visit everybody.
‘Everybody’ being all the babies, all the seeds I happened to have the good fortune to touch and plant some time before.
All the plant-beings in the cathedral I planted.
I write that to remind myself, because I find that I forget. And start to doubt my doing any things of benefit.
Although it’s raining as I poke at my little phonefacekeyboard, this photo was taken after the first big snowfall on November 22nd.
We got more snow during that snowfall than the entire last Winter.
I’ve housesat for various kitties…
Some who love their kale…
Some who like their space…
Some who look very sweet, but are like the The Oatmeal’s whiskey cat.
I’m very grateful for the cozy homes, for the use of laundry, for the connections over the years.
And as I watch the miles tick on, I’m ever grateful I was able to purchase a car back in 2001 that is still running.
Many miles gone by, many years… learning to drive standard in hilly Ithaca was humbling, and driving out to California cemented the training.
It’s been over 10 1/2 years since returning to Ithaca.
There’ve been many jobs.
After one of my employers was suddenly let go after a downsizing, I was laid off this past summer soon after moving.
It really knocked me out of orbit. Seeding (and cats. and family. and friends.) was one of the few things that helped keep me (sorta) steady.
(That’s me, btw. It was taken by one of the on-farm interns & he shared the photo with me.)
And that’s Sebastian, the ginger tabby with the tiny meow and a huge purr.
I applied to a LOT of jobs.
Some of which I was qualified for, some not.
Eventually I picked up part-time work with a friend who grows sprouts.
These usually live outside in a greenhouse, but there was below-freezing temperatures, so inside they came, where they got ‘a little leggy’.
Still just as tasty, though.
It seems to be a good fit.
It’s mostly behind the scenes, and all three of us get along, and it’s pretty mellow while all the work gets done.
The above photo is along my most favorite (and to my mind, most beautiful) road in the county back in October.
I’ve been trying to ‘get behind myself’, and so despite all the inner-critical-voices/chorus, I had cards printed up of some of my artwork…
I worked with a woman-owned printing company in town, purchased 100% post-consumer content recycled envelopes…
Found some nice glassine sleeves (which were probably meant for candy…) to protect each card & envelope pairing…
And with some freely offered new (recycled content!) food containers & paper, made up some packages to sell at the credit union’s holiday craft fair.
I didn’t take a photo of the table with all the cards, unfortunately.
But to my surprise & delight, with an email and two Facebook postings about the event, a whole bunch of friends came out to support my work.
I was really blown away by all the visits & support.
I’ve never really had faith in the artwork that comes through me.
But I started to question: what if I just trusted it… let it be what it is…
It’s far too easy to compare myself to classmates who have work at The Whitney, or The MOMA. Or places like that.
The art that comes through me simply isn’t like that.
I’ll admit, I still think of leaving. Of moving somewhere else. Try to find a place where the rent isn’t so high. Or where I don’t have to run into people who aren’t really friends anymore because I said something or did something that upset them.
I’ve thought of moving to go back to school… maybe for biology… or phytotemediation… but that takes a lot of math & chemistry. Which I basically suck at.
And the truth is, i love seeds.
Maybe that knee-jerk reaction will always be to move, to run.
Aversion is so my go-to habit.
I’m so grateful for the friends who are still my friends despite my (very) imperfect ways.
I wish I was perfect, but I’m not.
I’m trying to befriend myself, with all of my imperfections.
This year I’m going to try to drop the whole trying-to-be-perfect thing. It wasn’t such a conscious thing, and I’m not succeeding at it anyhow, and the attempts at it seems to just create more tension inside.
A sort of letting-go practice. Or allowing. Or awareness, I suppose.
To quote my Yaya, “who needs it?”
I know I’m leaving out a lot, but engh. It’s okay.
This is one of the cards that didn’t make the cut. But it’ll become mail to someone.
Wishing you gentleness and steadiness, a sturdy ballast for all to come.
Thanks for reading, for your encouragement, and for whatever acts of creativity you can get behind yourself for.
(Or with. Goodness I was never good at grammar…)
Wishing you all well.
May the planets smile kindly on you all through 2017.